Enjoy your box on this day of days. Boxing Day 2020.
In the unlikely event her 88-year-old Joy Toy should expire during their marriage, Jerry has taken the precaution of having her widows’ weeds designed by the House of Patou. Our spies have learned the ceremony will be extremely private on a remote Australian beach. There will be less than a dozen close family and friends attending.
That number could easily double, however, if Jerry decides she needs her Financial Advising and Legal Teams present to help her with, what will inevitably be, an overpowering period of greed, excuse me, grief.
Ex-hubby Mick (or is he?) has reviewed the documents and is confident that scenario can be avoided. He’s so confident in fact that he’s penned the next Stones’ single and dedicated it to Ms. Hall. The barrel-house rocker is titled Air Tight (Outta’ Sight) and will drop the day of Murdoch’s funeral. By coincidence.
For only $25, Jerry Hall is now available in
Aisle 6 to sign authentic rhinestone replicas of
her fabulous $3 million dollar engagement
ring. (Ring and faux velvet case sold separately
for $99.99 and must be purchased in advance.
$50 same day courtesy fee may apply.)
To support Jerry’s claims that she did not marry for money and is financially independent. Rupert Murdoch will be launching a new celebrity gossip weekly by the end of the year. Mrs. Murdoch is the sole owner.
The format is to be all photos and no text. Captions will be done in emoji only. Jerry said this innovation was necessary to accommodate “the reading levels of the Hall Clan back in Texas.”
The publishers of Hello! are crying foul. They say it’s a direct rip-off of their iconic publication. To which the Murdochs respond “poppycock” (not to be confused with their other adults-only, sister publication Papi Cock.)
Rupert and Jerry are working diligently to meet the mid-December deadline for the premier issue of Y’All!