On this great day in human thought, where Iranian clerics are saying that Covid-19 is turning people gay and the Republican Party is arguing the Constitution is unconstitutional, I have no qualms about today’s post. Readers would think me remiss if I didn’t float at least one conspiracy theory about this hallowed tradition of billionaire greed.

The NFL is notorious for how it rapes local taxpayers then leaves them holding the bag. The Vuitton Bowl takes the cake.

One positive thing the NFL does do is boost local economies when a city hosts a super bowl. Revenues for hotels, restaurants, and anything else that is price gougeable all soar. It’s even known to be a boost to local massage parlors’ bottom lines. (How you doing Mr. Kraft? That doctor prescribed massage therapy still helping with the sciatica? What did that Orchids of Asia Happy Ending end up costing you, about $800,000 in legal fees to clear “your name?”)

So what do you do when a host city is left high and dry by a worldwide pandemic and all their investments in the event are for naught? You create a phony emotional rapture that is so all encompassing nobody mentions how much money the city lost.

How great that Tampa, who had never won a Super Bowl, is the first host city to appear in the big game. And then they win it!

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!