To support the theme “In Consciously Coupling We Trust,” rappers Mitch & Bitch have been named to lead the Grandmammy of all Gay Pride marches in June this year.

Police snipers will be positioned on rooftops to shoot on sight any pedestrians as there will be no sideline crowds allowed. Instead, by using the latest in NFL technologies, simulated crowd noise will be piped in and archival footage will be used to “symbolize” the citizenry’s participation. You can’t get any more virtual than this, baby.

Backed up by the Nobel Prize winning fact checkers at Fox News along with a new script for pharmaceutical meth, Maria Fartalotta reported it’s already being called the largest adoring crowd ever seen in the history of the universe.