They don’t have one yet but the way they’ve been going at it lately Lindsay’s bound to be showing by Election Day.
It’s well known on the Hill these same-sex fornicators have not only been porking bills for years, they’ve been porking each other as well. The two experienced legislators are said to be the Senate’s best at attaching riders.
The closet queens had hoped to take their secret with them to the grave. This year, however, they both found themselves in tricky reelection campaigns. They needed headlines to deflect attention from their sleazy, disgusting Senate dealings. So Lindsay issued a statement.
“We’ve had an affection for each other since my earliest days in the Senate when he took me aside and showed me what the Minority Whip position was all about. When Mitch gets the itch he’s such a spontaneous lover! We’ve done it in the Cloak Room, under the Rotunda and on the Capitol Steps in front of high school groups. And I’ll tell you another thing. When the two of us hunker down in Statuary Hall, you’ve never seen any marble that’s harder or better buffed!”
The Republican solons are realists and understand the odds of being the first male loins to produce fruit are pretty much stacked against them. But they have their Faith. To that end they’ve enlisted the help of their dear friend Jerry Falwell, Jr.
After an invigorating day of good clean All-American fun, fishing for zipper trout on Falwell Pond, Jerry Junior took the couple into the boat house for a laying on of the hands. He anointed the Senators with snake oil and then the three were airlifted to the Claiborne Stud Farm in Kentucky.
With the harnesses attached and Mitch positioned to cover Lindsay, Falwell started chanting his super secret Prayer for Penile Penitence and Penetration. It’s guaranteed to produce an heir or your money back. We anxiously await the results.
McConnell has been fairly silent throughout all of this allowing Lindsay’s mouth to do most of the work. But when pressed on the feasibility of this actually happening he said simply, “After the 2016 election we realized anything’s possible.”