Last weekend my laptop was stolen from my Avis rental in the parking lot of Fort Wayne’s Target. Merry Christmas to me.

Trying to churn out a post via all thumbs typing on my phone is so Neanderthal. It severely curtails verbiage which is driving me up the wall. Merry Christmas to you.

But there are moments I feel compelled to communicate so I soldier on. Like in this message of yuletide love.

We’ve had some fine bitches as First Lady through the years—Dolly, Eleanor, Jackie—but none whose ass has been tapped more than the current occupant’s. Damn, fellas, you digging that Darth Vader Shield covering the pudenda? Looks like an extra large. Must be a helluva rain forest sprouting down there. And here I thought Agent Orange liked a clean workspace.

May your holidays be filled with the comfort only right wing Christian value$ can provide.